JOKES

This page is dedicated to Clean Jokes that you can share and enjoy with your families!

INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. get index cards.
  2. Fold index cards.
  3. Write family members name on the outside of each folded card.
  4. Write joke on inside top of index card in one color, and the answer on the bottom of index card in a different color.
  5. Show your family you have the jokes ready for them
  6. Hand them out to your family after they have begun eating. 
Utilize this tool with your families. It will bring a lot of smiles and many other positive benefits.
Q: What kind of food do you eat while flying?
A: Plane Rice!
Q: Why couldn’t  the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Because, it got stuck in a crack!
Q: What do you get when you eat beans and onions?
A: Teargas!
Q: What is a dog’s favorite part of a tree?
A: The bark!
Q: When do you go on RED, and stop on GREEN?
A: When you eat a watermelon!
Q: Why can’t a turtle eat McDonald’s food?
A: Because, it is too slow for fast food!
Q: When do ducks wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn!
Q: What washes up on tiny beaches?
A: Microwaves!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow with and an earthquake?
A: A milkshake!
Q: Did you hear about the guy that tore apart his Beatles album?
A: He wanted to break a record! 
Q: Where do basketball players go for breakfast?
A: Dunkin’ Donuts! 
Q: Why did George Washington always sleep while standing up?
A: Because, he could never lie! 
Q: What are a plumbers favorite pair of shoes?
A: Clogs!
Q: What kind of music are balloons afraid of?
A: Pop music!
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Q: Why was the football coach banging on the vending machine?
A: Because he wanted his quarter-back!
Q: What should you say to a solid, liquid, or gas when they are sad?
A: Whats the MATTER?
Q: What is a photographers favorite food ?
A: CHEESE!
Q: What do you use to fix teeth?
A: TOOTH-PASTE!
Q: What is an alligators favorite drink?
A: Gator-Ade!
Q: Why do people go on dates?
A: Because they cant go on months!
Q: Did you ever hear the joke about the maze?
A: Never mind, I would probably lose you!
Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin Sea!
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time!
Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?
A: The dock!
Q: Why couldn’t dracula’s wife fall asleep? 

A: Because of his coffin! 

Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? 

A: Sue!
Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: Because he was on a roll!
Q: Why did the girl sprinkle sugar on her pillow before she fell asleep?

A: So she could have sweet dreams!
Q: David’s father has 3 sons, their names are Snap Crackle and ………?
A: No, David!
Q: Why did the skeleton go to the Chinese restaurant?
A: To get some spare ribs!
Q: Why do cars smell?
A: Because they are full of gas!
Q: How do you cut a wave in half?
A: with a sea saw!
Q: How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A: A buccaneer!
Q: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-hurtie!
Q: What has three letters and starts with gas?
A: A car!
Q: Why don’t matches play baseball?
A: because after One strike, they’re out!
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted flakes!
Q: What did the potato name his son?
A: Chip!
Q: What kind of tunes do planets sing?
A: Nep-tunes!
Q: What is a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Root beer!
Q: What did the chef name is son?
A: Stew!
Q: Which bus crossed the Atlantic ocean?
A: Columbus!
Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania!
Q: Why are parallel lines so sad?
A: Because they know they will never meet!
Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: You look for the fresh prints!
Q: It was a really emotional wedding, how emotional was it ?
A: So emotional that the cake was in tiers!
Q: What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? 
A: Make me one with everything!
Q: I never make mistake…
A: I thought I did once; but I was wrong
Q: What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A: …Ba-na-na-naaa!
Q: What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? 
A: DAM!
Q: Knock knock- who’s there? 
A: Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I’m dwounding!
Q: What goes “ha ha thump”? 
A: A person laughing his head off.
Q: What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armor? 
A: A knight light!
Q: Have you heard about the corduroy pillows?
A: They are making headlines!

Q: What kind of Shoes 👠 are made of banana 🍌 skins?
A: Slippers!!!

Q:Why do you salute a refrigerator?
A: Because it is General Electric!

Q: Why does a spider make a good baseball player?
A; Because it catches flies!

Q: what is full of holes but holds water?
A: A sponge!

Q:When are mice and rats 😔 unhappy?
A: When it’s raining cats & dogs!

Q:What ten-letter word starts with GAS?
A: AUTOMOBILE!

Q:What is the difference between Donald Duck and an umbrella ?
A: You can shut an umbrella up!!!

Q: what three-letter word is a mousetrap?
A: CAT

Q: What has a head and a tail but no body?
A: A Coin !

Q: What has an eye but can not see?
A: A needle!